April 1, 2018 -- County staff announced today they had reached an agreement with a local developer of low-income housing projects to convert the vacant Walmart and Sam's Club buildings at Country Club Center to a housing facility for drug-addicted and alcoholic homeless individuals. According to County staff, the need for such a facility at that site has been apparent for many years, stating, "It's where they get their free cell phones and where they spend most of their time. We figured the County might as well provide housing, too, to improve the local economy which consists of discount stores, liquor stores, pawn shops and thrift stores." The District Attorney's Office has agreed to station several Public Defenders on site, which will lessen the need for future arrests and prosecutions. When asked to comment, a Sheriff's Department spokesperson praised the project for relieving the need to patrol the local community. She said, "It will allow our Deputies and our Homeless Program Contractor to concentrate on other parts of the County." The project will be heard at the next Board of Supervisors as a consent item, rendering public comment more meaningless than usual. The Office of the local County Supervisor has requested that constituents not call her office about the project, noting how overwhelming it is to deal with County 311 complaints and April Fool's Day jokes like this one.